{500} days of…

You know that movie, 500 days of Summer? It’s great, you should see it. It’s a real life love story that doesn’t work out in a perfect Disney romance kind of way.

500daysIt was actually kind of hard to watch given the current circumstances (read: breakup). But I think it was necessary. It got me thinking… in cliches, unfortunately.

1) It’s not the destination but the journey that counts

2) Time heals everything (name that musical theatre song..)

3) Nothing lasts forever

4) The darkest moments come just before the dawn

I could go on, but I won’t. I think it’s easy to be angry. Not at the person, but at the world. Why can’t this work out as easily as it has worked out for (insert your happily coupled friends names here)? What if I made a mistake? What if that was my chance and I missed it? What if he’s the one?

Well, as Dan Savage says, “there is no one, we find someone that’s close enough and we round them up”. (PS- if you don’t know who Dan Savage is you should probably go listen to the Savage Love Podcast right now.. GO!). I think what I am trying to say is that although I kind of broke my own heart, and it sucks, and I feel crappy about it, and I’ll never be sure what could’ve happened, I’ll never know what was the “right” thing to do, and I miss him, and I’m lonely…

iregret

 

In this picture, I was in Verona, Italy putting up a love note to Juliet on this wall near her statue that’s full of love letters.

I regret nothing.

Because what has been in my life, is part of where I’m going. And I don’t know where that is yet, because I don’t know when my “500” days of Summer will be over, because maybe my movie title is “458 days of Summer” or “1 334 days of Summer”. I won’t know until it’s Autumn. But I’m the star of this movie, and I’m going to do my best to enjoy the ride while it lasts. Because no matter what the outcome, my summer was full of good, lovely, wonderful times. And just because the end result wasn’t marriage or death (that’s what we think of as the only acceptable outcome to successful relationships), it doesn’t mean the journey wasn’t really amazing and memorable.

 

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when i grow up.

iwantotbelovely

I wanted to take a moment and acknowledge how little I know about anything.

When I was 17, I decided I wanted to be an actor. I auditioned for Sheridan. I worked really hard on all my materials and did everything I could to try and get in the program. At the time, for some weird reason, I decided that if I didn’t get into Sheridan for Musical Theatre, then I wasn’t meant to be in this industry. I didn’t apply to any other theatre schools. I put all my eggs in one basket and you know what? I got in. I took it as a sign. I could do this. I could be a professional musical theatre performer.

Looking back, I realize how crazy that was. It’s one school. It’s one small group of people’s opinions. Lots of people who haven’t gone to Sheridan are very successful. But I made my decision and I didn’t second guess myself. And so far, it’s paid off.

Now that I’m 25, I wonder where that self assurance went. Maybe it’s just a part of growing up. I thought I would have things so much closer to figured out by now. I thought I would be more sure of myself at 25 than 17; but it’s not the case. I have more questions than ever. I have more worries than ever.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the first step to knowing everything is admitting you know nothing.

So now I want to try and listen more than I talk. Accept people for who they are instead of trying to fit them into the boxes I’ve saved for them in my head. Let people bring something to the table instead of strong arming them into following my lead. Allow the good in the world to come to me instead of trying to create a vacuum to force it towards me.

Do you get more sure of yourself as you get older? Or is it all downhill from here? 🙂

The Lovely Ride.

Welcome to the new space. The new design. The new logo. I hope you like it! I’ve had fun coming up with the images, words, fonts, and colours. It’s still a work in progress. I’ve so enjoyed the creative process of it all though. Something from nothing. It’s pretty cool.
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I’ve thought a lot about what I want this weird internet place to be used for. I’ve come up with this: A place to celebrate all the things that make life lovely.

Lately, I’ve been down. Big changes are taking place in my life, and I’m scared. I came up with this title and mission statement in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep. I was up thinking about all the could woulda shouldas of the day and focused on all the things I’ve done wrong lately. Then an image flashed in my mind of me, down the road a couple years, looking back on this “interesting” time in my life where I had no ties, no kids, no serious financial obligations, no one to answer to, and that older version of myself thinking how lovely it had been. How lovely it is to have the time to notice how lovely life is. To have the energy to notice the beauty, the simplicity, the kindness of other people. I decided I wanted a place to collect all that loveliness and store it up for a rainy day. Like a loveliness bank.
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This is my story. Where small things are celebrated. Where silly (sometimes terrible) photos are shared. Where my creations have a place to live be them crocheted, knitted, drawn, sewn, written, cooked, baked, sung, or danced. Where you can come and share a story or leave a comment that can bring positivity to our lives. I want my story to be filled with love. I want it to be lovely.

dreamI spend a lot of my time telling myself I can’t do something. I can’t sew that quilt because it won’t be the best quilt that anyone ever made. I shouldn’t go to that dance class because I won’t be even close to the best dancer there. I shouldn’t try to make that awesome cake on Pinterest, because it’ll never be as beautiful as the picture. You know what? WHO CARES. The destination isn’t what matters when it comes to creation;  it’s the journey. It’s the process. It’s the ride, that counts. I want to make my ride lovely.

Thank you for stopping by and checking out my new look.